Conformity at Its Finest

You know I really hate it when

Chapman clubs decide that doing their loud, spacious events in the middle of Davis Quad is okay.

It’s like…

Uhm, hello?

I live here. Thanks.

Beer Pong

On a night after Thursday the ladies did cheer
“A roomies’ night drinking. Pass ‘round the beer!”
They giggled and reached like never before,
As Adriana and Kate shouted, “Regina, have more!”
Was this the best way to prepare for the night?
But this thought faded when she burped with delight.
She prayed and thought, as she reached for a cookie
Guide me through my night, my dear muse, Snooki.
She thought on her armor as she took a bite,
Her hair was tall as she teased it to new heights.
She trembled and trailed on back to her room,
Hoping this night did not lead to impending doom.
For Regina’s reputation had been forsaken,
The second she grabbed that beer for the taking.
Her sorority sisters would be so disappointed,
If with alcohol her dear old brain was anointed.
What one wears for such endeavors, skirts or pants?
“Doesn’t matter,” said Kate, “So long as you can dance!”
Regina was stumped, and the decision was hard,
And in that second, she remembered her ID card.
Laminated and shining in its freshly printed plastic,
Hoping the differences in her real one weren’t too drastic.
She picked her shortest shorts, bared her midriff,
And closed all her thoughts of all the what-ifs.
For once she gazed upon herself scantily clad,
And thought about socially destroying Brad.
Brad was her ex, who but once dared to
Mock her own lifestyle and bid her adieu.
Tonight was the night that she’d have her reprisal.
Oh yes, most definitely, this was fo’shizzle.
Tonight she would prove that she wasn’t just prude.
She was daring, and fun, and drunk, and lewd.
For months she had practiced taking her shots
Drinking her beer and smoking her pot.
She drank and drank ‘til she had to leave,
And helped her roomie hide the tracks in her weave.
“Come on. Let’s go! Let’s get in the car!”
Shouted Adriana by the door set ajar.
Regina ran out of her room ID in hand,
Ready to go to Pinky’s, though she could barely stand.
The ID’s were checked, and alcohol was bought,
Leaving Regina fully armed though void of thought.
The cashier worried her with his look of suspicion,
But she didn’t care for he made his decision.
He swiped her debit card as if her ID were real
Though she looked young as freshly cooked veil.
She hid the bottles deep in her bag
As the convenience store cashier took a long drag.
Tonight was no night for hash pipes and bongs.
This eve she would become Queen of Beer Pong.
Brad was defending his good name tonight
But with the flick of a ball, she will shed light
On the talents of her own while Brad stands in awe
Having pure thoughts of what’s under her bra.
Before she could leave, the cashier reached in his drawer
And said, “Take this my dear, for your beer pong war.
The fight won’t be easy, you’ll need this for luck
Pull this ball out in case you get stuck.”
There she just stood with the ball in her hand,
Walked out the door, and said, “Thanks, man.”
Her roomies honked the horn and told her to hurry,
She waddled out the door and left in a scurry.
Their DD drove on the road so divine,
Even fully stopping at red stop signs.
The cops ignored their car void of mistrust,
For they all looked as sweet as apple-pie crust.
They pulled on the street where the party was held,
The sweet air of booze they so quickly smelled.
Their carriage arrived, on the sidewalk they parked
And knocked on the door and were greeted by Mark.
He was the host of the parties that “Beyond ruled them all.”
Is what he claimed as he started to fall.
“The beer’s in the garage. Go help yourselves,”
Said Mark as he bragged, “We’ve got packs of twelve.”
Regina knew that where there’s beer, there is pong,
So she marched to the beat of the Kei$ha song.
And on to the table that stood in between
Just her and Brad who talked like a teen.
It was time for the battle to fully begin,
For she felt in her heart that she just might win.
At one end she stood and took stance for the start,
And screamed, “It’s on Brad. I’ll rip you apart.”
Brad turned around and accepted her duel,
And added, “Whoever loses must jump in the pool.”
“Fine,” claimed Regina, “but you’re going down.”
Secretly apprehensive, she prayed not to drown.
But it was too late now they saw eye to eye
Then people gasped as the balls began to fly.
Brad won the toss up, so he got to go first,
Regrettably Regina expected the worst.
What had she started? She had no chance to win,
As one right after another, in her cups balls flew in.
On the latter she only kept missing her aim,
There was no way she could win her own game.
What was she thinking to challenge the champ?
When this was over, he’d take home a tramp.
She drank and drank ‘til her stomach felt sick,
Only three cups on her side, and on Brad’s six.
Then she remembered, “The ball from that man!
I must use it. It’s part of the plan!”
She reached in her purse where the ball simply laid,
Finally Regina had it all made.
On her next turn sighed, wiped the ball clean
Then no one believed the sight they had just seen.
Out of her hand, and into the cup,
The ball for once made it, for Brad, bottoms up!
Then again and again, she scored some more,
Brad lost his swagger, and out went the whore.
Finally they stood head on one on one
Just one more shot, and this would all be done.
Brad took his first, and it missed by a mile.
Regina loved this, delighted and smiled.
His second shot but just touched the cup,
Rolled around inside, and went down and up.
Regina in a panic leaned over to blow,
And from the hushed crowed grew a gigantic “Ooooooohhhhh!”
Brad simply stood there in disbelief,
As Regina wiped her brow with a sigh of relief.
She had finally won with much satisfaction,
Everyone knew girls blew to change ball’s direction.
All was true and all was fair,
Brad would ruin the shape of his hair
When he jumped in the pool with all his clothes on.
This thought thrilled Regina she wanted him gone.
Out on the edge, Brad stood and trembled
As he stepped on the diving board they assembled.
There was nothing more to say as Brad was corrupt
The ice-cold water sobered him up.
Everyone laughed and everyone cheered
And now everyone knew Regina was to be feared.
She was the mightiest player in their class
She was now crowned Beer Pong Bad Ass.

Dear Chapman,

Why is absolutely nothing being offered for my major, minor, and GEs over interterm? Do you want me to take aerobics? Is that what you want? Oh wait, that’s already FULL.

Why yes, I would love to go to a small, liberal arts college. I know you want to cap classes at small sizes, so you can take a royal dump on any other college that seats 6000 people into a lecture hall, but jeeze Louise, could maybe offer more than 3 English courses that I am eligible for? On top of that, can you not make two of them occur at the same time? You do realize that the maximum amount of English courses that I can take over interterm and next semester is 2. TWO. So far, I need, and am eligible for 1 interterm class, which by the way, is in the middle of the day, so I probably cannot even take it, because I am working nonstop for the next 8 months. 

How about we stop having the sidewalk swept every hour, and hire more teachers for more class sections.

Because thus far, I probably will not be taking any interterm classes other than Swimming. Yes, I am going to resort to taking an exercise class, so I can get something of my money’s worth.

I love my tiny classes, Chapman, but really? Why do you put like 30 courses in my program evaluation, and then offer me 3? This is nothing but silly. Pure silly, I say!

Love,

Leah

I Miss Disneyland

Being a Chapman student, it was easy for me to drop everything on a school day to just whip out my pass and skip over to Disneyland for a couple of hours. For some reason, I felt some of the magic was lost on me for a bit. I seemed to always be going when it’s cold or just at night time.

For some people, that is their favorite part. Just going at night time.

But my favorite part was always being their early in the morning, just starting your day, and before you know it, it’s noon and you are waiting in the Haunted Mansion line, just to cool off without waiting in never-ending Splash Mountain line.

I did not think that I would have a single itch to go during the summer seeing as I had been plenty of times during the school year.

But now, I just want to be there at 2 o’ clock, when it’s absolutely scorching out, waiting in the beating sun for It’s a Small World and throwing pennies into the current.

I want to be there all day. I want to wake up early and excited and I want to be exhausted by the time I leave. I want to watch the parade. I want pictures with characters. I want to play tourist at Disneyland.

I want to watch the Aladdin show and eat a Dole frozen yogurt at the Tiki Room. I want to get fast passes for Splash Mountain and I want to wait in the inevitably long line for the revamped Star Tours Ride. I want to ride California Screamin’ and Tower of Terror. I want to play the games on the Toy Story Rides.

I want to wear something pretty. I want to watch the ducks swim in the castle’s moat. I want to watch the fireworks and I want my feet to hurt.

But most of all, I want it to be unbearably hot out.