Jessica Svendsgaard is Full of Shit: Mom Texts... →
jessicasvendsgaardisfullofshit: Mom: How r u? I am back on my old phone. The robot one [a droid] was too much for me. R u watching the Golden Globes tonight??? Me: Right now I’m just at home eating Chipotle and watching the Golden Globes. Mom: R u watching the Golden Globe Awards? How do u feel?? Me: Yeah, that’s what I…
So it all started
when I was in the 3rd grade and had to do a book report on a biography. I coincidentally chose Walt Disney. Upon this decision, my teacher announced that we would have to dress up as our chosen subject matter. So 3 weeks later, I walk onto the premise of Greenbrook Elementary with my hair slicked back sporting my neighbor’s sweater vest and a mustache that my mother drew on with eyeliner. ...
The best part about working at Disneyland?
The collection of sexy mid-calf socks that I’m about to acquire.
The only thing Mean Girls 2 needs more of
Stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen. It’s not going to happen!– my dog (via 90skidandcompany)
My First Rave
I was really worried about going for the past week and was highly considering bailing as I was anxious for a few things. I knew I was going into this rave stone cold sober, which ended up being incredibly fine. Not that I thought that I couldn’t have fun without drugs or alcohol, but I was worried about being up so long without access to a reasonably priced soda or energy drink. This ended...
Things That Were Broken Last Night
The toilet paper roll holder The clock
Unsolicited Advice To Adolescent Girls With...
When your mother hits you, do not strike back. When the boys call asking your cup size, say A, hang up. When he says you gave him blue balls, say you’re welcome. When a girl with thick black curls who smells like bubble gum stops you in a stairwell to ask if you’re a boy, explain that you keep your hair short so she won’t have anything to grab when you head-butt her. Then head-butt her. When a...